a long realization

my safti passed away this thursday.
i normally dont post too personal of things.
but she is a big reason i moved to Israel three years ago- to take care of her.
i should have done a better job.


she loved me unconditionally and even though most of her nervousness and worried fashion usually made me laugh.
i am saddened that she is not with me anymore.
to
call and tell me not to go to the beach- because there is sun / waves.
not to date men because they are not good news.
to continue my office job because i get to wear heals- not too high of course.
to not get drunk- it is not lady like.

i will miss her having a crush of clint eastwood.
i will miss her speaking french / romanian/ and what ever other languages that i did not understand.
i will miss knocking on her door after climbing a billion stairs to her apartment and her saying "rega- me ze?"
as if she didn't know.


i will miss her telling me the latest gossip - that was months old.


i will miss her loving opera, ballet, and really old movies.



i will miss her kissing my hand.
i will miss her eating cake and drinking beer with me at 1 in the afternoon.


i will miss being tipsy with her when we had one too many.


i will miss her, huging her .
her loving to get manicures/her hair done.

i will miss her honesty and not living competly in reality.


she did teach me to dream a lot .
  iwill miss her independence.




i dont know how many of us are lucky enough to have unconditional love in our lives.

i dont really know if i deserved such a love.


but with safti seing her smile,
calling me her dolly

i really was lucky and blessed to have  her as my safti.
i was lucky for the childhood i had with her picking me up and going to mcdonalds, getting ice cream at dr leck. and
buying me the newest barbie.




i was lucky to have her love and have her in my life.
 and i loved her very much,
i am happy she is not suffering anymore.




lots of love,

michal

25 years old....

By 25 you are supposed to have it all together. 

by 25 years of age our grandparents were married , with a kid on the way. 

they had a house, a life, and a very good likelihood of looking the part of an adult. 

by 25 years old.  I am still lost,

while this till very recently horrified me to my very core I  think I need to let it go and realize: 

that we are the generation, that grew up somewhere between our parents' influence of led zeppelin 

and reality tv. 

instead of wanting to be astronauts or ballerinas, 

we grew up thinking we were descened  to be CEOs of multi million dollar companies, 

heads of start ups 

and 

that each of us was unique - and we just have not found out the potential for our uniqueness.

we were fed on cartoons, and somewhere between our one year in the 80's and 90's childhood we got lost in the shuffle with delusions of grandeur. that everyone will be the next tech great. 

I don't think our upbringing was bad -  In fact I think that being told we could accomplish what ever we wanted and just need to keep dreaming is an upside. 

but that is also the reason that most 25 year olds living in tel aviv - long after their army service, 

a year long tour of Thailand, Cambodia, India, south America ect... are now waiters. 

an entire generation with big dreams and small coffee trays taking your order. 

there is no pressure because - surly they too will discover greatness.

i strongly believe in this concept. while in the states my friends mostly have high paying careers, live in nice buildings, and go to cocktail hours with friends or brunches. 

i am still in my pjs at 10:36 am with a coffee and not a clue how i want to pursue this coming year.

and maybe for now. 

that is just fine.