a long realization

my safti passed away this thursday.
i normally dont post too personal of things.
but she is a big reason i moved to Israel three years ago- to take care of her.
i should have done a better job.


she loved me unconditionally and even though most of her nervousness and worried fashion usually made me laugh.
i am saddened that she is not with me anymore.
to
call and tell me not to go to the beach- because there is sun / waves.
not to date men because they are not good news.
to continue my office job because i get to wear heals- not too high of course.
to not get drunk- it is not lady like.

i will miss her having a crush of clint eastwood.
i will miss her speaking french / romanian/ and what ever other languages that i did not understand.
i will miss knocking on her door after climbing a billion stairs to her apartment and her saying "rega- me ze?"
as if she didn't know.


i will miss her telling me the latest gossip - that was months old.


i will miss her loving opera, ballet, and really old movies.



i will miss her kissing my hand.
i will miss her eating cake and drinking beer with me at 1 in the afternoon.


i will miss being tipsy with her when we had one too many.


i will miss her, huging her .
her loving to get manicures/her hair done.

i will miss her honesty and not living competly in reality.


she did teach me to dream a lot .
  iwill miss her independence.




i dont know how many of us are lucky enough to have unconditional love in our lives.

i dont really know if i deserved such a love.


but with safti seing her smile,
calling me her dolly

i really was lucky and blessed to have  her as my safti.
i was lucky for the childhood i had with her picking me up and going to mcdonalds, getting ice cream at dr leck. and
buying me the newest barbie.




i was lucky to have her love and have her in my life.
 and i loved her very much,
i am happy she is not suffering anymore.




lots of love,

michal

25 years old....

By 25 you are supposed to have it all together. 

by 25 years of age our grandparents were married , with a kid on the way. 

they had a house, a life, and a very good likelihood of looking the part of an adult. 

by 25 years old.  I am still lost,

while this till very recently horrified me to my very core I  think I need to let it go and realize: 

that we are the generation, that grew up somewhere between our parents' influence of led zeppelin 

and reality tv. 

instead of wanting to be astronauts or ballerinas, 

we grew up thinking we were descened  to be CEOs of multi million dollar companies, 

heads of start ups 

and 

that each of us was unique - and we just have not found out the potential for our uniqueness.

we were fed on cartoons, and somewhere between our one year in the 80's and 90's childhood we got lost in the shuffle with delusions of grandeur. that everyone will be the next tech great. 

I don't think our upbringing was bad -  In fact I think that being told we could accomplish what ever we wanted and just need to keep dreaming is an upside. 

but that is also the reason that most 25 year olds living in tel aviv - long after their army service, 

a year long tour of Thailand, Cambodia, India, south America ect... are now waiters. 

an entire generation with big dreams and small coffee trays taking your order. 

there is no pressure because - surly they too will discover greatness.

i strongly believe in this concept. while in the states my friends mostly have high paying careers, live in nice buildings, and go to cocktail hours with friends or brunches. 

i am still in my pjs at 10:36 am with a coffee and not a clue how i want to pursue this coming year.

and maybe for now. 

that is just fine.

 

life here.

every morning i wake up and look at the news. i see faces smiling back at me from photos that will soon be used to memorialize the same people now gone. I  wonder how it  is not being able to breathe. I  wonder how it is to just feel lifeless knowing that you did what you could to protect the people you love, the family who supported you in this effort, the friends who called you brother, the girlfriend who worried. I  wonder how it is to be so full of life at 20 years old. to be scared to know that there is a possibility of not leaving that land. but knowing that it might not happen to you. will not happen to you. 

the things that get to me the most are the last text messages from the fallen soldiers to their families. most say things like I  will talk to you when I get out. and don't tell mom we are going in. 

I  break every time I  think about it. 

these are all our brothers, sons, friends. 

I  can't imagine what it is like to be rooted into a woven history of bloody fights defending our people's existence. 

2:30 am you are hiding in the staircase. that is what it the closest bomb shelter to you. 

you now wear pjs to bed. 

hamas pjs i call them.

the syran wails and you wake up from your dream horrified. suddenly frantically looking for your flip flops and a bra. 

8:30 am at work. 

syran goes off. 

you try to keep your cool in the distant  you hear 4 booms .

1

2

3

4

 . the iron dome protected your life. hitting their rockets with ours.

you read the news. 

another 3 soldiers fell last night.

 most were under 22.

they still lived in their parents house. mom still did their laundry. they still slept in spongebob boxers. now they aren't ours anymore.

you read about death . and try to continue on with your day . but every time you blink the visual of the faces come back. like a haunting feeling that you can't shake.

this is not dramatic. this is not a scene.

 this is what is real.

so #pro Palestine thing is great and all america... and the people targeting jews in Israel.

but 

I just don't know how you can continue supporting terrorists that are only fueled by hate and not a national responsibility to keep their own people safe. 

11:58 at night I am writing this. 

 I wish  I  could wake up not worrying about my friend in Gaza. 

I  wish this would all end.

Loving and peaceful thoughts,

Michali 

tel aviv

Hello,
I  moved to tel aviv to an amazing apartment near the bima. These two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Starting new has always been hard for me. When faced with finding a job, place to live and being a grown up - well thats really challenging.
I  have been working at Mike's place a trashy restaurant/ bar with an american style of grossness. I  really despise the place and as of today quit. I found a job as a meeting coordinator at a brokrage firm with normal hours.
In other news. maybe  I  can breathe now.
Love,
Michali

THAILAND IS THE LAND OF SMILES.

I just returned from my Thailand adventures with yelly. It was a month of learning, eating, beaching, having tons of fun and trying tons of new things :) i had a blast! I think every time I end up traveling I learn that I know nothing. Each place I travel be it Europe- or now Asia has a way of reminding me how much more I yearn to learn about different cultures.  

 We landed in Bangkok and experienced a culture shock. There were tons of people pushing past us, fast traffic going the other way, and people shouting in Thai. It was crazy to see the size differences many of the people I could see clear above their heads and I am only 5'7". 

For the first two weeks there I was very sick. I was perscribed anti maleria pills . They were really strong!!!! and I spent a lot of time in Thailand's most ... interesting bathrooms 0: ) haha. not so nice, after visiting a very nice Thai DR. he laughed at me and told me that I didn't need the pills. Maleria was a huge problem 50 years ago but now not a problem even in the jungles. I stoped taking them- problem stopped yay. 

We made it down to Phuket. 

Where we found ourselves in a Thai only area.  we have a knack of finding these places of no toursists. so we really saw the really Thailand so cooolllll!.

The food was harsh on my stomach. While a huge meal can cost 3$ it was hard for me to find things purely veggie. not with fish sauce. 

everything was soooo aforable. 

after Phuket where  I was cranky (sorry yelly) we made our way on a ferry to Thailand's islands of Koh Phi Phi.  BEAUTIFUL!!! we took a 7 island tour which shows you monkey islands(not very friendly residents) and Maya bay which was the island where the beach was filmed. 

pure paradise. we spent 10 days there doing a lot of exploring, there were tons of tourists. every night there was a beach party and we met tons of israelis. 

we ended up exploring in the jungle and came out on the most beautiful island resort, lush and rich with a pool overlooking the sea!!!!

amazing. 

finally it was time to leave the beauty and head north to Chaing Mai. This was by far our favorite place. people were quality. This is where most of the jungle treks, elephant riding, and cooking classes happen. 

we ended up staying at Julie's guest house (highly reccomend) a hippy haven. Tons of backpackers from everywhere. the entire week's lodging, alchol, and food came out to 65$ not including attractions we went ziplining (terrifying but so much fun) and took an organic cooking class . ( I am now an expert Pad Thai chef) and we went ELEPHANT RIDING!!!! it was my favorite!!!

we went to Baan Chang Elephant camp. A home for rescued elephants .there were things I really loved and things I didn't agree with . 

Each elephant has a personal care taker called a Mahout. These Burmese men are paired up with elephants based on their personalities. a calm mahout will recieve a calm elephant (like harry potter sorting hats). These men are 24/7 with their elephants even sleeping close by. They have such a connection that the elephants seem to understand their thoughts and small actions. the Mahouts send the money back to their families,  Elephants are amazing. Many were rescued from bad people and will remember that so it is important to ask teh Mahout before petting the elephant and loving it. 

Each mahout had a small pick in his hand. I had a problem with that. even though the elephant's skin is 3inch thick. they justified it by saying it is the only form of protection against the elephant if he goes off. 

they are amazingly strong and can easily pick you up with their trunks. but still . 

also when we first came in they were chained by their foot. i didn't like this but they explained that asian elephants are fighters and if left unchained at night  they would fight till oneo f them died if they did not like eachother. 

i thought women held grudges... jeez

overall it was amazing we fed them, rode them bareback, and washed and played with them.. they look very well taken care of : ) 

i love elephants!

they are so amazing.

 

i am coming out of the high of being in thailand, it was the most amazing place we met so many great people from everywhere from france, holland, israel, belguim, norway, argentina, canada. 

now i am homeless and jobless 

but thats ok working on it. 

lots of elephant hugs, 

michali 

January .

Since finishing the army I have been very busy. I went to the states to visit my parents and work at victoria's secret for a month and a half. It was way too long and I grew unhappy there. Being there just reafirmed the fact that my life currently needs to be in Israel, and I draw my happiness from the culture of crazyness and the people who support me here, in the holy land ; ).

Coming back to Israel was crazy. I flew AL-Italia. a funny airline I like for the likelyhood that most of the Italian men are goodlooking , and also Italian is a beautiful language. (and all the men are good looking.) While I was telling my stewardess that "sono vegitariana" aka. no meat please. she spilled an entire meal of beef on my lap. try sitting for 5 hours smelling like beef. :S
i was stinky. and the Italian girls who sat next to me thought it was histerical. thanks guys. (Italian guys = beautiful, Italian girls =catty.)

Spending all of January here I took an online psych course offered through WCC. I just submitted my final paper. thank goodness. It was a really intense course. the science behind the brain does not interest me at all. it is the things that motivate people and the neroseys that interest me. so it was a lot of blah blah blah the thalmus does this.

I balanced it out by running 5-8 k a day and reading a lot.

In a week I fly to Thailand with Ayelet . I am so excited/ nervous excited. I cant wait to tackle this part of the world and do new things before I move to tel aviv and try a stab at my grown up life.



Lots of love,
Michali

REclaIming WOmanhood.

I was sorrowed to read an article posed on groupthink called "Being a woman in Public."  http://groupthink.jezebel.com/being-a-woman-in-public-1446742738/@laurabeck
It did not lack imagination and painted a scene quite well of a woman that is sitting on the train minding her own business.  She witnesses and altercation and then takes her place in the far side of the train where she prays to herself that a man will not come up to her, harass her, confront her, or speak to her.



"The person on the inside of your seat needs to get off. You hold your breath as you let them out and you move in, thinking of all the things you'll say and do when he tries to sit down next to you and talk to you when you just want to be left alone." 





This right here is the start of a very sad way of thinking.  First off, I am not saying that on the daily women are not harassed, bothered, started with , or provoked. It is a sad reality that we face of rape, sexual harassment and men who try to overpower women by stripping away their physical and mental rights. 

However, it is sad to me that this particular woman represents countless women who believe that they can not or would rather not stand up for them selves if a man was to approach them.

Maybe it is a very westernized way of privileged thinking. Maybe the moral compass that guides me is one which declarers that it is so IMPORTANT for women to come out of their shells and stand up for themselves. 



Another article stated : "

College Women: Stop Getting Drunk

36.3k

1.8k

3.3k

It’s closely associated with sexual assault. And yet we’re reluctant to tell women to stop doing it."

so what have we gathered from this : Women- do not get drunk, do not go out in public, do not look a man in the eye and you are not free to be in a male dominated area. While it is not your fault if you are a "victim" you can prevent it by being super cautious and taking extra steps men do not have to. 

http://english.alarabiya.net/en/variety/2013/09/23/India-It-is-my-fault-rape-video-goes-viral-.html

The bottom line of this controversial but imperative video is that the sexual assault, rape and  harassment are presented as a satire of what is happening in India, other middle east countries like Iran. While we believe that the westernized globalized countries like the USA are immune from such acts we are very wrong if women are made uncomfortable in their own skin and post such things as "Being in a woman in public."




Spending two years in the Israeli Defense Force (I am not stating that this is a perfect institution by any means) has taught me the value of standing up for your abilities, doing your work, effecting soldiers' lives and doing it all in the way that presents a side of humility and womanhood.

Many instructor positions in the IDF are given to women.  There is an unsaid view point that young women have more patience and will explain things over to tired soldiers. In my personal experience this is true.  You have to prove yourself as a shooting instructor while standing in front of a group of 28 young , tired, dissatisfied , horny , and rowdy young men.  Not only do you have to wipe out their ego of thinking "I don't have to listen to you I am a combat soldier", but you also have to make peace with the fact that " I am a woman, I am teaching you what is historically thought of as a "male" oriented profession and you better shut your mouth and listen to me because you never know when you will actually need to shoot someone under the knee."


I am not saying this was such an easy task. I did receive the occasional eye roll and "ok sure, Motek (sweetheart)" but overall at the end of the week coming home most of my service with a gun on my shoulder I would proudly sit on the train with my head high.

I think if women learned to reclaim what is so amazing about womanhood- the endurance, the perseverance, the energy, the honor, the sisterhood bond, the compassion, and the dignity behind being a woman  they wouldn't fear any man. anything.
if that involves taking a self defense class so be it. if that involves looking your fear in the eye (be it a harasser or anything else) do it.
the point is. no one should ever make you feel insecure in your own skin. you should know that you belong to a strong cult of great thinkers, of strong amazing women and no one is going to get to you.
look them in the eye . you will not regret it . (also told from personal experience)

http://www.upworthy.com/watch-a-student-totally-nail-something-about-women-that-ive-been-trying-to-articulate-for-37-years-6?c=ufb1



These are just bits and pieces of things that I believe. I believe that we are all citizens of the world. I believe that what unifies humans is the opportunity they find to love, and how they overcome a loss.  I believe that women need to realize that rape is not an ok phenomenon.
That they do not have to put up with a wolf whistle, with a hand being raised to them, or an abusive spouse.


When a woman tells another woman in the bathroom "she is a slut. Did you see what she wears no wonder that guy made a pass at her and won't leave her alone."  that is not ok. stop slut shaming. that over there could be your sister, your friend, you.

you are entitled to act, to wear, to be whom ever you want to without the unwanted sexual advances of anyone. there shouldn't be a need for a Slut Walk.  A walk that happens regularly in an effort to bring media attention that women can and will wear what ever they so choose without being pray for someone else. We need to stop looking towards role models like Rhianna that taught the world the lesson of if you are beaten by a man , it is ok to take him back . it is not.

look towards great women

my great woman role model is my grandmother.
she passed away years ago and still I think of her for my important life decisions.



I have this one life to live and I want to live it with the pride and dignity of being a woman, helping others, men and women and knowing that I should not fear anyone.



Michal