ahhh its almost here . civilian life.

I am almost free. free to be a civilian. free to let others serve for awhile. free to find myself not in boots and not in the shooting range. and not with ear plugs in my ears while I shout orders of 7.4.2 fire!. I am almost free from having to make the bus/train every sunday before 6 am.  I am almost free from a terrible feeling of being shavuz saturday night and smelling like lead . I am almost free from having to eat bad food covered in oil and not having plates or utensils. free from having to make a plate out of a piece of bread and balance it on your boot filled with sand. I am almost free from having commanders yelling at me. I am almost free of people asking me why I came here . I am almost free from two of the hardest. most amazing. most fulfilling years of my life.


I can't believe it's almost here.
Michali

job please

I'm out of the army for a break and officially out Oct3. wow.

I am starting work as a waitress and next week I will be working on a ship in Ashdod as a random work thing my mother set up for me. 

I guess this week is a big week for me not because I am home alone kind of feeling but because it has given me time to think about what I want to do. 

I don't really want to be an art therapist. 

i am really not into psych. 

i want to make a difference . through my art. touch people. show my work to the world. leave my mark. i guess thats selfish because everyone wants to do that. but i have gotten really into it. 

ah i just want a job 

: (

michali

got it

ps for those of you who asked. I got a gas mask. yay. Happy and peaceful new year. let's hope we don't have to use them.
sending loving and good energy Into the world. going for a run
love ,
michali

almost done.... ahhhhhh

My friend Emily just asked me if my two years of service went by quickly.
This next week is my last week in the army.
I would have to say no. no they were the two longest, most challenging, difficult, intensive years I have ever been through . The IDF is no joke. It is not a place for weak people. I saw that first hand . It is a place I have cried in, worked my ass off for , given it my all, made friends, met amazing people. Including support and combat soldiers, been yelled at, been taunted, been made fun of for my english accent.
I wouldn't have changed these two past years for anything. They helped made me who I am today.  Today I stand so much stronger then I once was. I am more realistic, bolder, more confident, more Israeli, more supportive, less selfish, and take things less hard.
Most of the change that I underwent was a combination of the army itself and my role in my Garin.  I know I keep speaking about them but for two years these 19 other people were my brothers and sisters and helped me learn so much about myself.
From each person I took something different.  A big component in this learning process is my Roomie .  I learned how to take things easily, laugh a lot , and share more.  These were big problems for me .  I remember calling her before we met and being like " so how neat are you... yea me too.. uh" hahah
Others in my makeshift family impacted me more then they know and I now know that we are stuck together .
Jonah a guy in My garin left for Tel Aviv and Mattan left for the states.  Soon people will move out and try and find their own way through Israel. I took it hard at first.  But soon I thought about it in a more Israeli way


.... "hey another free place to crash ; ) " haha and that is what I learned in Israel.

Through running to shelters, being through Standing pillar, barely sleeping, and crying... a lot- I learned who I really am. And I'm pretty happy with that.



Hoping to visit the States In Nov/ Dec . keep you updated.
Love you,
Michali

... syria?

I stood in a 100 + people line today.  It was hot. people were angsty and sweaty and cursing and complaining.  I spoke to the soldier in front of me about the newest movie coming out and let a woman and her family go in front of me.
It wasn't to get into a Rhianna concert or to pick up the newest Twilight  book.
we were picking up gas masks.
and I waited at 5 pm for half an hour then they closed the doors and said they ran out.
Obama said he was bombing Syria today,
....
and then they would probably bomb us.
and I don't have a gas mask because I got there too late.
So I got an ice cream instead.
because it made me feel better then thinking about chemical warfare.

Lots of safe thoughts,
and love,
 michali

bus ride

You are now passing Katona. You are now passing Kiyrat Motskin. you are now passing Bethyl Hills you are now passing Acco. You wake up from a dazed sleep to find yourself on the bus, no the train, no the bus again. You fall asleep you pass White plains or was it Tel Aviv merkaz? In this sleep-deprived sleep that only soldiers seem to understand my two realities collide into one.  People ask me what I feel more like Israeli or American.  I know I am American here but i feel more at peace with that then being Israeli in America.  I woke up today on the bus as I passed cows and Arab villages and towns that all sound similar still closed for Shabbat. I remember that I would always call my Aba to come get me from the Brewster train station when I got to Katona.

 I wanted to so badly call him saying hey I got here come pick me up.  I guess thats the hardest point .  The little things .  Like missing your parents. Or the fact that you are unsure of when the next time you will see them or how you will make money or where you will live .  Or if your friends in the states still think of you, or have they all moved on.


I am bout to meet the future head on and its kind of a scary transition from being a soldier (that is still wickidly hard) into being a real person again.  I will have to pay rent and taxes and worry about work schedules and how buying that beer at teh bar means that I have to scrimp on groceries.  Not sure if I look foreward to that part of it.
In any case I will be sure I will update you all on what I  decide to do  .
ALl my love,
 Michali

Sometimes things don't work out

Most things in the army are not logical.
That is one thing in common most people can tell you that are serving.
I wanted to go to this course called Nativ.  It is a two month course where you learn about Judaism and Israeli History. I gave my officer plenty of notice and was guaranteed a place in the course. It would be a nice two month vacation from the real army and a really nice way to finish my service.  I got a call this week from my officer saying that I will not be attending the course due to a mix up.  She was apologetic but I blew up.

She said I was right and justified for feeling the way I do- but that doesn't help me at all.

I have endured a lot of emotional turnovers ...

but this is the most obnoxious.


I know it was a mistake to get my hopes up for this course but I work hard and expect them to see it.

The difference between the army and regular employment is that on sunday if you don't feel like coming in you can call a sick day. in the army that doesn't fly.
I am getting out in Oct 3. and right now it feels like years away. I am so frustrated.



I just wish something would work out and I knew what I would do in the future.



Frustration Nation-
Michali