bus ride

You are now passing Katona. You are now passing Kiyrat Motskin. you are now passing Bethyl Hills you are now passing Acco. You wake up from a dazed sleep to find yourself on the bus, no the train, no the bus again. You fall asleep you pass White plains or was it Tel Aviv merkaz? In this sleep-deprived sleep that only soldiers seem to understand my two realities collide into one.  People ask me what I feel more like Israeli or American.  I know I am American here but i feel more at peace with that then being Israeli in America.  I woke up today on the bus as I passed cows and Arab villages and towns that all sound similar still closed for Shabbat. I remember that I would always call my Aba to come get me from the Brewster train station when I got to Katona.

 I wanted to so badly call him saying hey I got here come pick me up.  I guess thats the hardest point .  The little things .  Like missing your parents. Or the fact that you are unsure of when the next time you will see them or how you will make money or where you will live .  Or if your friends in the states still think of you, or have they all moved on.


I am bout to meet the future head on and its kind of a scary transition from being a soldier (that is still wickidly hard) into being a real person again.  I will have to pay rent and taxes and worry about work schedules and how buying that beer at teh bar means that I have to scrimp on groceries.  Not sure if I look foreward to that part of it.
In any case I will be sure I will update you all on what I  decide to do  .
ALl my love,
 Michali

Sometimes things don't work out

Most things in the army are not logical.
That is one thing in common most people can tell you that are serving.
I wanted to go to this course called Nativ.  It is a two month course where you learn about Judaism and Israeli History. I gave my officer plenty of notice and was guaranteed a place in the course. It would be a nice two month vacation from the real army and a really nice way to finish my service.  I got a call this week from my officer saying that I will not be attending the course due to a mix up.  She was apologetic but I blew up.

She said I was right and justified for feeling the way I do- but that doesn't help me at all.

I have endured a lot of emotional turnovers ...

but this is the most obnoxious.


I know it was a mistake to get my hopes up for this course but I work hard and expect them to see it.

The difference between the army and regular employment is that on sunday if you don't feel like coming in you can call a sick day. in the army that doesn't fly.
I am getting out in Oct 3. and right now it feels like years away. I am so frustrated.



I just wish something would work out and I knew what I would do in the future.



Frustration Nation-
Michali

I haven't written in awhile but here we go

I have two more months till i embark on a journey called the real world. ... .
It is a scary journey that no one prepares you for full off electricity bills, rent, and being a grown up.
Im not really ready for that one.  I guess that the army was a good two year trial of dreaming.  I mean the crawling ,yelling and being in the shooting range was all very real but the rest of it just let you dream about what your future would be like.

My ideal would be doing something that makes me happy.
I am not quite sure what that is yet.
I think everyone goes through that.
 I want to be an artist but in Israel it is nearly impossible,
So I need a good grown up back up plan- one that would make it possible to pay bills and rent and yada yada yada.
 Ill update you all as soon as i know anything about my plans .
Love,
Michali

change

new beginnings is the theme of my life.
every time i get comfortable with the way things are going the universe throws me for a curve,
I am almost done with the army which means I leave that system behind and try my luck in the real world.
Not only that I have to leave my garin family and regba.
it makes me really apprehensive but that is normal and I am used to having a constant feeling of change. -----

im just tired for now . and wish my new garin family wouldnt change
love,
michali

Almost there

I have four more months of service.  Two of those months I will be in a course called Nativ which deals with new immigrants and non jewish soldiers to teach them more about jewish roots and israel.  It includes lots of fun trips and I hope it will be a nice bang to end my army career. I have been having a pretty hard time in the army recently.  I am pretty fed up with the beuracracy of it all. It is based on protection about who you know and not the effort you put in.


I dont know if my service has been exactly how I imagined it.  I know I have prepared thousands of soldiers, but I have also been screwed over a lot and see the guys in my garin constantly fall victim to unfair treatment.  They close their mouth and carry on.

I dont know if it made me bitter but this week I get to see the progress and exactly how everything is sought out. How each unit has a part in the IDF.  I am going to a base down south and they are doing a demenstration- so it will be cool to see how the infentary troops and tanks and missle and sharp shooters work together.
then I get out on tuesday and my roomie is going to meet me for a vacation the rest of the week of tuesday-friday.

in eilat!!!
I am so excited I have never been. I really need some r and r and to get away from everything and everyone .
 wishing everyone a lovely weekend,
heading back to base.
Michali

hello again

Shabbat Shalom!!!!
I just came back from a wedding.  It was my best friend's mother's wedding and it was really nice.  This whole week off for shavout could not have come at a better time.  I spent the chag with Ayelet and her family in Jtown.  While i had a great holiday I can not explain enough my lack of love for Jerusalem.

While I know it is a very holy city and it has a huge history with various people, I truly would like to exam my lack of love for the annoying young Taglit and Jewish Americans who come and drown the city with alcohol and gawk at every person in uniform. I  also cant stand the charidi jews who throw rocks at you for driving on shabbat or spit on you for not being in a skirt.  I do not mean to make asumptions because that is not my nature.  In my nature I do love everyone and I am sure that there are people that do not fit into that criteria.  However the overwhelming sense of yuck i get when there outweighs this.  I am sorry for sounding ignorant but I could never possibly live there or would want to visit there for long extended periods of time. end of rant.

On another note Ayelet;s family hosted us so nicely.  I love that Israelis are very warm and gracious people.  Strangers often go out of their way to help.  An example of this is when we were eating in a cafe and woman in the near by table offered us a place to come eat meals and meet her family. Just because we were lone soldiers.  That stuff never happens in america.
I love Israel,
Soon I will be going into the job market and finding my own place and that is truly scary.  But I know I can do it,
Lots of Love,
Michali

Inspiration.

I am back at Regba.  Everything went back to normal.  The boys are all talking about sports and roughhousing and we fight about the laundry and go to each others host families.  I try and do Pilates and Yoga outside but its impossible when your friends try and make faces and throw socks at you to distract you. God your annoying.  But what can I do . I love them . they mean a lot to me and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I am reading a lot recently and also have been thinking about the founding of the country.  Today we went to a lone soldier day in Ramat Gan.  It was nice to hear all the thanks.  I really don't know how much sacrifice I made . I am just doing what is right for me.  It doesn't feel like anything special.  Michael Levin's father spoke.  Michael was an incredible person who has always fascinated me. He made Aliyah and joined the IDF and gave his life.  He was killed.  He was inspirational not because he is the only person I know that actually died for something he believed in, but because the type of person he is said to have been before his death.  The type of person that gave himself over to helping others and tried to make Israel a better and different place.

I knocked a whole bunch (don't worry) but still I looked at the other lone soldiers that all together make up a pretty high percentage in the army and thought , damn we are fools to our convictions.


On that note,
I wish you a Shabbat Shalom,
I hope one day you will find a passion that drives you.
Love,
Michali