life here.

every morning i wake up and look at the news. i see faces smiling back at me from photos that will soon be used to memorialize the same people now gone. I  wonder how it  is not being able to breathe. I  wonder how it is to just feel lifeless knowing that you did what you could to protect the people you love, the family who supported you in this effort, the friends who called you brother, the girlfriend who worried. I  wonder how it is to be so full of life at 20 years old. to be scared to know that there is a possibility of not leaving that land. but knowing that it might not happen to you. will not happen to you. 

the things that get to me the most are the last text messages from the fallen soldiers to their families. most say things like I  will talk to you when I get out. and don't tell mom we are going in. 

I  break every time I  think about it. 

these are all our brothers, sons, friends. 

I  can't imagine what it is like to be rooted into a woven history of bloody fights defending our people's existence. 

2:30 am you are hiding in the staircase. that is what it the closest bomb shelter to you. 

you now wear pjs to bed. 

hamas pjs i call them.

the syran wails and you wake up from your dream horrified. suddenly frantically looking for your flip flops and a bra. 

8:30 am at work. 

syran goes off. 

you try to keep your cool in the distant  you hear 4 booms .

1

2

3

4

 . the iron dome protected your life. hitting their rockets with ours.

you read the news. 

another 3 soldiers fell last night.

 most were under 22.

they still lived in their parents house. mom still did their laundry. they still slept in spongebob boxers. now they aren't ours anymore.

you read about death . and try to continue on with your day . but every time you blink the visual of the faces come back. like a haunting feeling that you can't shake.

this is not dramatic. this is not a scene.

 this is what is real.

so #pro Palestine thing is great and all america... and the people targeting jews in Israel.

but 

I just don't know how you can continue supporting terrorists that are only fueled by hate and not a national responsibility to keep their own people safe. 

11:58 at night I am writing this. 

 I wish  I  could wake up not worrying about my friend in Gaza. 

I  wish this would all end.

Loving and peaceful thoughts,

Michali